It feels Amazing to BE. I know that may sound crazy, but not to my WordPress family. Growing up, I would always hear things to put me down, reminders of what I won’t be able to acheive, your fat, etc.. I knew deep inside that I could do anything, it made me feel strange for just simply being me. So what did I do? Contort.
I twisted, turned, and ran from my inner self as if she was a stranger to my flesh. The crazy part is, some of life’s most precious principles were instilled in me as a small child. I knew and understood at 5 years of age the diffrence between right and wrong, honesty and lies…Blessed. ( shout out to my Parents and Gertude Green R.I.P)
The course of life took me on long walks through many fields of glass with no shoes in sight. Emotional numbness developed from displaced developmental challenges. A child holding onto secrets, to internal and rationalize. Reality began to silently marinate in a cesspool of sins, falling victim to my surroundings, neglecting to stay true to the creation of Me as God intended.
These tainted perceptions of reality allowed me to remain on a constant road of survival, running into and from many forms of manipulation and abuse. Mentally altered from circumstance to ignore the Divine’s pattern of guidance. Instead, I rode the highway of things tangible, which stunted my growth. Stuck in reverse, I tired gathering my identity from the outside world, piecing together me. Scrambled eggs anyone?? This was my brain on auto pilot, totally Deaf, Dumb, and Mute to the meaning of this life.
As I write in Textures through my Awakening, it is important to know that THIS Being today has shed many layers of damaged skin over time. Time that bounded me mentally as a psychological prisoner, because I chose to saturate the present with the struggles I subliminally sprinted from in the past. Labels justify these struggles calling it “Survival”, through malnourished environments.
I learned through pain to acknowledge the nutrients harvested within the seat of my Soul, descended from the infinity of this universe. I thank God daily for all of adversity that I have, and will ever face. Co-creating, and manifesting abundance straight from the Divines source of genuine Love and Light.
So I humbly share a glimpse of my Truth in THIS voice of healing with the world. Painfully broken, yet aware and filled with Joy to share. I will no longer run from what is behind me, I acknowledge most things could have never been my fault. I forgive my assaulters, but most of all I forgive Myself.